Whether it is relationships, career, money or self-purpose, there is always a reason why we struggle to move forward in one if not all of those aspects of our lives. We get bogged down with expectations – usually someone else’s, or we create a reality that will keep us safe.
We as humans have a primal instinct to be safe, accepted by our peers no matter the outcome and this way of thinking can cause so much internal conflict that we end up burnt out or stressed.
5. Belief Systems
From birth we are taught everything we need to know from the perspective of our teachers. Be those parents/carers/ or society. We are taught that the stove when on is hot. That is a good lesson as not listening will end in a painful burn. We are taught not to cross the road without looking… for obvious reasons. Good life lessons to have and coming from a place of love and education.
The same can be said for the other lessons such as: money doesn’t grow on trees, life can be hard, you must work hard to get what you want. Even some really bad ones like: you are not smart enough to do that, or that will never happen.
These statements or BS (belief systems) yes… BS I said it, are in fact creations from others. Someone else’s belief system. The ones we love can set us up with systems that reflect them… not us. For example – you are given a name, you are not your name. You have a hand or a foot, you are not a hand or foot. You are… you. You are whatever you want to be, or create. When was the last time you really sat down and looked at your belief system’s. When did you ask yourself “do I really believe that I am not good enough?” “Do I really believe that money doesn’t grow on trees?”. To combat this, spending that time with ourselves and working out if we are looking for proof of our BS so we can say “see I told you life was hard”, giving ourselves that excuse to keep ourselves safe.
The word BUT is shrouded in gooey stuff. But, it’s too risky, But, I don’t have time, But, it’s too hard. “But” in the dictionary is defined as self-justification – a defense of some offensive behavior or some failure to keep a promise. Wow.
Not to be confused with legitimate reasons as some excuses we make can in fact tip us over the edge. But being mindful of the difference is key. BUT it’s too hard – what is hard? What is your definition of hard? What does hard mean to you? Have you ever actually experienced hard…or is there a possibility it was someone else’s level of hard (see self-belief systems). What is hard for someone may not be for someone else. You have that choice.
Choice is a perspective on a situation. You can choose to assume that you cannot move forward or you can choose to assume you can. It is all in your own perspective. If something is holding you back – ask why. What is going on here? Why am I acting like this? Look for another perspective on a situation you think is holding you back. “How can I see thing differently here”, Instead of focusing on the bad, try seeing the good. Granted – not easy, but having that time to really listen and pay attention to what you are saying to yourself can help pull us out of all kinds of limiting situations.
2. Negative Self Talk
It was a toss up for me between negative self talk and fear as one of the most crippling reasons we hold ourselves back, because both can in fact go hand in hand. Like I said earlier it is our primal need to feel safe and accepted by our peers and if that doesn’t happen we start a cycle of negative self-talk. NST is our inner critic. He or she will do everything it can to stop you from changing anything because “change is scary” right? Change means stepping up and out of something where we are comfortable in or the fear of the outcome. 3, 4 and 5 are all associated to NST. We can flip a perspective to be a negative one, so that we can create an excuse for not going, or changing something, and concrete that in with believing that it is indeed… A BS FACT.
You can catch your critic out in the act by becoming aware of it. Once we start realizing it’s agenda by pulling apart the situation in which has started the storm in the first place, we can learn our triggers, we can take away its power by not letting it get its desired result.
Which leads me to:
Fear of re-creating an event that was emotional. Fear of failing in front of our peers. Fear of succeeding and what that may mean. Yes – fear of success is indeed a thing. Fear will hold you back every-time. Fear is the core of so many of us that can’t or won’t move forward. Fear that if we speak up our peers that we have aligned with will no longer like us, fear of rejection if we ask the boss for a raise, fear of the outcome of that exam because what does that mean for me, fear of the inner critic starting us on a spiral. If I don’t try, nothing will happen.
Okay – so ask yourself: what is the worst thing that could happen? The absolute worst. Then, come up with a solution, you already have the tools to come up with a solution because your solution to not doing something was creating an excuse…so, use the same tools. Come up with a solution to take the power from your fear.
Being mindful of all 5 things; and there are plenty more tools you can use to combat all types of limiting belief systems, is the key to pull you forward. Find and seek the answers because you are the only one that can create your reality. Start with saying “I love you” to you.
The giving of love is an education in itself” — Eleanor Roosevelt